The Answer is Divine Intervention
by Lyrical Rawr
Summary: Gumshoe intervenes at the wrong time and is told a story of freakish happenings by a sheepish Phoenix. Expect mad pigeons and evil elevators to follow.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Phoenix Wright or any of those characters. I 'nicked' the title name from a song I heard by the brilliant Taking Back Sunday named 'Divine Intervention'. I don't own that either.

**A/N: **Inspired by the two other The Answer oneshots.

Poor Gumshoe.

**Warning:** Slash

**Edit:** Grammar, POV, Burns, Layout :)

---

_Something real, make it timeless,  
An act of God and nothing else will be accepted._

**Divine Intervention**

It was a Friday, and time for Gumshoe's daily visit to Edgeworth. He entered the revolving door to prosecution offices in high sprits, whistling the tune of '_One Man Went to Mow'_ and waving at certain people he recognised as he went by. Almost sub-consciously, he took the lift and pressed the button the fifteenth floor. However, when he turned back around, he realised his trench coat had jammed in the door.

A random prosecutor who was also in the elevator laughed as Gumshoe tried to wrench the cloth out of the clasp of the metal jaws before the elevator could move.

"Stuck again, Dick?" He inquired, voice drenched with amusement.

"It's… ugh… no problem, pal. Happens all the… humph… time…" Gumshoe replied, too busy tugging on his coat to recognise the first name reference.

"Here, let me." The prosecutor leaned forward to press the '_Door Open_' button.

Gumshoe hung his head. "…Thanks, Richards."

"Fifteenth floor?"

"If you don't mind."

---

As Gumshoe stepped out of the elevator's doors, muttering about the tricky elevator, he heard a loud crashing noise come from room 1202.

As quickly as possible, Gumshoe raced to the door and didn't bother knocking before throwing it open with all his strength.

"Sir, Mr Edgeworth! Sir, are you alri--" He cut himself off and blinked.

Before him was a scene of complete madness. A whole row of the bookshelf - that Gumshoe had kindly put into alphabetical order the day before - was strewn across the floor. The curtains were closed and the desk had been emptied with all the ornaments and papers scattered on the floor. The Butz guy - no, wait; _Phoenix Wright_ - was, for some strange reason, sitting on top of it.

Phoenix Wright was sitting on top of Edgeworth's emptied desk… and he was shirtless.

No, wait. He was sitting on top of the emptied desk, shirtless and with a certain prosecutor on top of him…

Gumshoe blinked rapidly.

There was a long silence, before Edgeworth rose from his position and straightened his jacket. "How many times have I told you to knock before you enter, Detective?"

Gumshoe opened his mouth to answer that it was now tallied at around hundred and three times, before shutting it again as the words didn't form.

Phoenix peered from behind Edgeworth. "Um, it's not what it looks like, by the way."

Gumshoe rubbed his forehead. "I… err… don't know _what_ to think at the moment, pal."

"Detective, please, let me just give you the story of what _really_ happened," Phoenix continued, waving his hands in front of himself defensively. "There was a series of uncontrollable events that led to Edgeworth being on top of me in a messy room, I swear!"

"On top of a _shirtless_ you in a messy room, Wright," Edgeworth commented dryly.

"What?" Phoenix looked down at his body. "Oh, yeah, shirtless…"

---

'_I woke up this morning in a particularly cheerful mood. So, I happily got ready and went down to my office as on time as ever. There waiting for me was my assistant, Maya Fey._

"_Hey Nick, I just got a phone call for you,_"_ she said, leaning back on her chair and looking up to smile at me. _"_Something about a case file you need to go and collect from the Prosecution Offices._"'

"Hold it there, pal," Gumshoe interrupted. "You can't use that old 'I'm off to get a case file from a horny prosecutor' excuse on me; it won't work."

Edgeworth raised an eyebrow. "Don't interrupt people while they're talking, Detective."

"S-sorry, sir!" Gumshoe stuttered. "I won't do it again!"

Phoenix chuckled.

'_Where was I? Ah, yes, so, Maya had told me about the phone call from the Prosecution Offices. It turned out that the file they needed me to collect was from Mr. Payne and was dealing with my friend Larry. It still hadn't been processed after a couple of years and needed picking up as soon as possible._

"_I'll head straight on over there, Maya," I replied. "There isn't anything pressing for me to finish before I go, is there?"_

_Maya shook her head. "Even if there was, you wouldn't do it now anyway. Don't worry, Nick, I know the real reason why you want to go over there so fast." She winked at me. _

_Now, don't jump to any conclusions here, Detective. Maya was simply referring to the fact that I always like getting out of doing any real work._

"_Maya! You know I would never go over there to do such a thing!" I replied. _

_She found this very amusing and started laughing so much that I had to go and fetch a glass of water from the tap for her.'_

"Try not to go off on one," Edgeworth interrupted "You aren't reciting a novel for us."

Phoenix smiled and rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah, sorry…"

'_Anyway, I said goodbye to Maya and set off for the prosecution offices._

_When I reached the revolving doors and walked up to the receptionist, I couldn't believe my luck as I was told Mr. Payne was currently in the canteen area. I headed straight there and found that he had the file all ready and waiting for me in his office on the sixth floor._

_Looking back on it, it was quite amusing what happened next._

_I reached the sixth floor and started searching for Mr Payne's room, which he had mentioned was at the end of the corridor. I was so busy looking for the right door that I didn't notice when I bumped into Edgeworth, who was holding a cup of tea - a very hot and scolding cup of tea, I may add._

_The tea splashed all over my shirt, jacket and tie that I had been wearing. It slowly seeped through to my skin and made me yelp in pain._

_Edgeworth looked down at his mug, then back to me, then back to his mug, piecing together that he had indeed just nearly ended up giving me second degree burns…'_

"Come now, Wright. Second degree sounds so incriminating," Edgeworth cut in. "Also, I wasn't _that _slow at working out the situation; you're making me sound like some sort of useless idiot. Please, keep to the facts."

Phoenix laughed. "Right. Sorry, Edgeworth."

'_Edgeworth quickly realised the fact that he had spilt his tea. _

"_I was really looking forward to drinking that as well," he mumbled. He glanced down at the floor where a small puddle of the stuff had started to collect. "That old cleaning lady is going to kill me…"_

"_Yeah, that's right, you stare at that poor floor and empathise with that fact that his little dust mite friends may not want to hang around on top of it any more. I'll just stand here, slowly incinerating to death, while I watch…" Edgeworth kept on looking at the carpet. "Hey, Edgeworth! I'm really in pain here!" He looked back up at me._

"_Wright? What the hell happened to you? Why did you attempt to dye your jacket brown?"_

_I winced. "It's tea. Your tea."_

"_My tea?" Edgeworth sighed and shook his head. "Christ, Wright, why didn't you say something? You need some first aid…" Edgeworth looked around the corridor, presumably for a first aid kit or a random doctor that suddenly decided to visit the sixth floor of the Prosecution Offices. _

_Unfortunately, neither was to be found._

_Edgeworth decided that he should take responsibility for my state and picked me up in a fireman's lift up the stairs and into his office.'_

Phoenix patted Edgeworth on the back. "Well done on that, by the way."

"Wright…"

"Right, the story…"

'_He pushed off all the ornaments and paperwork from the top of his desk before placing me on top of it. Personally, I don't see why he couldn't put me on the couch, but I suppose the desk is less likely to stain and resembles a hospital bed slightly more. _

"_Ow, ow, ow! It __**burns**__!"_

"_Shut up, Wright, and take your shirt off," Edgeworth replied hotly as he searched through the drawers of his desk for… well, God knows what._

_I raised an eyebrow "Surely you aren't thinking about taking advantage of me in my fragile, barbecued state?" Then I realised that it really wasn't worth the effort making amusing comments when it hurt to talk. Instead, I resorted back to complaining._

"_Believe me when I say I couldn't be more turned off by a whining, tea smelling defence attorney right now," Edgeworth replied. "I just thought you'd prefer to live without burns for the rest of your life."_

"_Ah, touché." I threw off my blue - now slightly brown - jacket, untied my tie and unbuttoned my shirt._

_Then, as my luck would have it, Edgeworth became distracted from finding from what I presume was any sorts of medicine - and not some kind of sex toy - as a wild pigeon flew through an open window and started flying around the room._

_It was a bastard to get out, but the stupid bird eventually remembered how to fly properly and climbed back out of the window._

_Edgeworth had the sense to close the window, and then drew the curtains as a secondary precaution. However, in another freakish turn of events, he slipped over on a stray paperweight from off the desk as he reached for the edge of the other curtain._

_It was quite funny to watch as he tried to stay upright, and I couldn't help but chuckle as he eventually fell over backwards into the bookshelf._

_I could make out a slight groan emitting from a pile of books and assumed that Edgeworth had not just disappeared into the floor, but was in fact beneath the books that had fallen off the shelves. Being the kind and helpful person that I am - but also terribly disabled at this moment in time - I called out to him. _

"_Hey, Edgeworth, you alright?"_

_All I received for an answer was a groan._

"_Did that nasty paper weight hurt you?" This time I got a reaction as the man sat up and scowled at me._

"_I could use a little help, Wright." He gestured for me to come and pull him up off the floor._

_I shook my head. "No can do, I'm afraid." I gestured towards my torso. "As you can see, I am sufficiently disabled to be lazy and sit here doing nothing."_

_He scowled at me again. "You don't even have a scratch on you. Get your 'lazy' ass over here and help me up!"_

_I pouted, but obliged. I got up and pulled on his arms. With an enormous crash, we both flew backwards onto the empty desk.'_

_---_

"And that, Detective, is the series of freakish events that lead to me being underneath Edgeworth… shirtless." Phoenix got up to walk towards where his shirt was and pulled it on.

Gumshoe opened his mouth, before closing it and frowning.

Phoenix and Miles stood in silence, not even taking one glance at each other.

Gumshoe eventually let out a long breath. "Well, sir, it looks like you'll need me to clean up that mess. How about I come round Monday to help you sort it all out?"

Edgeworth crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. "You actually believe all of that?"

Gumshoe shrugged. "Sure, I have no reason to doubt it."

Edgeworth blinked. "Really? You don't? Not even the pigeon...?"

Phoenix smiled over at Gumshoe. "Excellent! I'm so glad you choose the right story to listen to, Detective. What was it you wanted to say?"

"Well, pal, there wasn't really anything." Gumshoe scratched at his plaster on his cheek. "Oh! Apart from the fact that Miss von Karma is on the war path with you, sir. She seems very annoyed at the fact that she's never 'caught you at it' and says to tell you that you are a fool to not just tell her." He smiled in a satisfactory way.

Edgeworth and Phoenix glanced at each other, the latter with a small grin on his face.

"Thank you, Detective, that is very… useful information," Edgeworth said. "I'm looking forward to your visit on Monday."

"No problem, sir!" Gumshoe's smile broadened. "See you round!"

And with that, he left the room. He walked down the corridor to the elevator, once again in high spirits, before his coat got caught in the closing of the doors.

At least this time he remembered the '_Door Open_' button.

---

Edgeworth shook his head before turning back round to face Phoenix. "Couldn't you have toned that down and made it slightly more believable?"

Phoenix swatted away this comment with his hand. "Nah, Gumshoe would believe anything I told him." He grinned. "I quite liked the image of you playing the role as fireman, anyway."

Edgeworth rolled his eyes. "You'd have thought, after the fifth time of walking in on us this week, he'd realise your amazingly imaginative stories are a load of nonsense," he commented with a sigh.

Phoenix grinned and flopped down onto the couch. "They are pretty amazing, aren't they?"

"I particularly liked Wednesday's story about why you only had your boxers on," Edgeworth replied with a smirk. "How the hell you managed to get him to believe that you were looking for a Jacuzzi on the twelfth floor of the prosecution offices, I shall never know."

"I have a certain charm," Phoenix stated smugly.

Edgeworth made his way over to where Phoenix was lounging on the couch and leaned over him. "Well, at least now we know where your amazing ability to make up how your clients are innocent comes from." This comment earned him a pillow in his face and a forceful pull onto the couch.

It was a pretty useless attack; Edgeworth seemed more than happy in his position on top of an ironically defenceless defence attorney.

"Personally, I reckon you should start locking that door before my amazing stories run out, Edgeworth," Phoenix began. "Or, I suppose you could get yourself a 'Go Away, Busy Getting Some' door sign which, when flipped over, reads 'Welcome to the Demon Prosecutor's Lair'."

Edgeworth smirked. "I don't think I want Franziska's ongoing investigation into whom I was 'getting some' off. She'd be too interested in your charging rates, I feel."

"Ha-ha, funny," Phoenix replied, face not at all amused and slightly disgusted. He reached to wrap his arms around Edgeworth's hips. "Though, I can imagine that people would think the only way you're getting any is through a prostitute." He smiled. "Just be glad I don't charge you and actually - God forbid - _enjoy _your company."

Edgeworth raised an eyebrow, but before he could retaliate with a smarmy comment of 'Wright, shut up. I'm paying good money for this,' Phoenix had leaned upward and silenced him with a kiss.

He smiled and leaned forward on the couch, reaching out to push the door closed with a small _click_ of the lock.

**Fin**

_Yeah, we're stubborn and melodramatic,  
A real class act._


End file.
